Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
