idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
