Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
