It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
