I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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