I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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