I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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