Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
