You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
two words: eviction party
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
