I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
