Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize