Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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