I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
