i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
