I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
