Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
