there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
