Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
they're like a gay fantastic four
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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