why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
