i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
