She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize