am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize