grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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