Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
