There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
