i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I got inside last night via doggy door
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
