I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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