everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
