please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
