Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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