I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize