is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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