i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
