how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
