was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
