Is it because I queefed?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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