We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
