maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
