Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
