oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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