Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
