Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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