tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
