I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
