batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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