That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
