I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
