I'm going to rape someone's good day.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
