I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
