is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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