i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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