Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
So apparently I’m into choking now
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
