took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
