I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
