Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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