Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Randomize
