i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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