I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
