All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
