When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Randomize
