I'm gonna have a badass scar
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
