I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
