Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
