Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
