Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
