nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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