got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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