Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
