Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
