Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
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