Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
