Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Hippo gnu deer
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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