Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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