Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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