4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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