The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
