Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
