yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We have started to decorate penises.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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