Little spoons don't ask big questions
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
