She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
