It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
