i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
