i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize