The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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