I hate all girls vehemently.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
