If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
