we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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