You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
