I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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